Hello there, Reader. I’m Storyteller DE and The Bipolar Storyteller has given me the opportunity to join the page and write about myself and the things I’ve experienced so far in life. Some of which I’ve come to terms with and some, well not so much. My hope is to reach some point of peace with myself and maybe fix some things that may be a little off in my head. I sincerely hope that if you relate to any of the problems I bring up, that this might help you if you’re struggling as well. Now I’m not the best writer in the world so just hang with me and we’ll see where this all leads.
I guess I should start by describing who I am, or at least, who I think I am. I’m generally a quiet guy, try not to talk a lot. Ya know. However, when I do speak, it’s one of three things. 1. SARCASM 2. Depressing and serious thoughts or feelings. 3. just plain logic and fact. I don’t really think that I’m a rude or mean guy, unless I overhear you having a stupid conversation. Then I might some dead pan facts to crush your argument, or kill you with sarcasm. Whichever I prefer really. Okay, so I guess some people might think I’m mean. Why would the other things I talk about be depressing or serious enough to ruin anyone’s mood? Well that’s because these things are always on my mind. Why? The hell if I know, they just are.
Now I didn’t just wake up one morning and everything went from sunshine and daisies to black roses and thunderclouds. The events of my life kind of hit me hard within the past few years and I never learned to deal with the emotion that came with them. Growing up in my house, emotions were something that were just kind of ignored. If we were pissed or frustrated, sad or confused – hell, anything but happy and smiling really – then we just didn’t talk about it. We shoved it down and acted like it wasn’t there. I never had many friends growing up, which I was fine with at first, but when the number kept decreasing one by one until I only had one or two left… I felt alone. Or at least, what I thought loneliness felt like.
Eventually I moved into high school and things started getting pretty good! Well, except for this one little falling in love situation (story for another time). But yeah, other than that I was more than content. in my middle school days and underclassmen years of high school I had really bad self-esteem issues. I felt like I was worthless and my friends only talked to me out of pity. However in my last two years of high school something changed. I got a girlfriend for the first time and started hanging out after school, I started to count more people as friends and I was pretty happy. Until that first blow happened.
This is kind of the point where I look back at my life and can really recognize the sadness and dark cloud that seems to follow me around daily. What was the “First Blow” you ask? well, a close friend and brother died…. That was the first time I had ever lost someone I had been even relatively close to. And I didn’t take it as well as I thought.
I’ve got problems. Depression, self-esteem, slight paranoia, social anxiety, and over all, an awful ability to express what I’m feeling and deal with emotion properly. It is my hope that over time my writing abilities with increase as well as my ability to sort out and deal with my problems. I really hope that you as the Reader have some patience with me and gain at least some help or comfort from my future posts.